As much as I LOATHE admitting it, it’s true; women do………..pOOp!
There……(sigh)…..I said it, but I’m not repeating it! Women do ummmmm excrete! It’s necessary cuz it gets out all of the toxins and bad junk…or so they say! 😉 Quite frankly, it’s a bodily function I abhor, to say the least, and would prefer not to partake in. Why? Well, from bearing the stench while comparing toothpaste ingredients to pass the time, to straining when consuming H2O that day just didn’t occur…the entire process is absolutely formidable. 😐 It’s like punishment for the soul!!! Nevertheless, it must be done, am I right?
Despite our conscious efforts to eat healthily, we falter by consuming greasy french fries, savoring our Chicken-Flavored Ramen Noodles, while attempting to wash it all down with a glass of water and a fresh stalk of broccoli for fiber. Depending on our bodies and metabolisms, however, we sometimes need a tad bit of help. Reason being? Well, for one – our intestines (small & LARGE) have a combined length of approximately 28 feet and for two – OUR INTESTINES (SMALL & LARGE) HAVE A COMBINED LENGTH OF 28 FREAKING FEET!!!!! 😀 Having organs that considerable in size implies that their storage capacity is quite immense! Soooooo that hamhock and bowl of collards you ate April 23rd…yeah, it could still be slow-winding its way through your innards! 😛 Gross, I know! But eh, all hope isn’t lost cuz by golly I’ve got a quick fix! 🙂
What I have here is Health Plus’ Super Colon Cleanse!!!! It’s basically a speedy alternative to your more lengthy and cumbersome detoxing regimens stocked on the shelves of your nearest GNC or Vitamin World. By taking 8 pills daily (4 in the morning before your cup of Joe & another 4 before you lay your pretty heads to rest) for about 4-7 days, you are able to successfully clean out those insanely long intestines of yours thus getting your rectum/colon squeaky clean! 🙂 I call it ‘Primping Your Poop‘!! 😉 (Should I write infomercial tunes or what!?!) 😀 Honestly though, I’ve used these pills on 3 separate occasions since I try to detox around 2-3 times per year. My results are always the same…
* I lose 5lbs-7lbs *
** I feel lighter **
*** My acne clears ***
As I’m sure you’ll probably render the same results, it may not always be the case if you don’t guzzle plenty of water while cutting the carbs and slicing the meats out of your diet. Disappointing I know, but as those toxins are being flushed (literally!) from your system, it’s crucial that you replace them with the most delicious nutrients EVER! Sipping on pop/soda/soda pop/coke and chowing down on the juiciest 7oz Omaha Steaks bound to clog your arteries during your detox are NOT da bizness! I mean come on, let’s face it, they’re probably the culprits for you having to primp your poop in the first place! 😉
So what are you waiting for? Why aren’t you in route to your nearest GNC to cop these bad boys?!? Oh…you’re waiting on the price, are you? Silly me! I’ve forgotten to share! My apologies! ⇒ Well, for about the same price you’d pay to purchase 2 packs of Ardell Lashes, these pills can be YOURS! Reasonable, right? Of course!
With all that said, guess WHAT!?! My fingers hurt (bet ya weren’t expecting that!)! I’ve written this post by hand and now I’m typing it in the cutest Calibri font for your literate enjoyment! Thank goodness it’s your turn! So tell me, do you have any detox regimens you think I should try? Leave their deets below! Keep in mind, sharing is caring even IF it’s pooper scooper secrets! 😛
Remember to Live Life, Beautifully <3
– Shimmy Sistah